I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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