I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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