fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
