Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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