Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
