I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
