why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
