Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
