I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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