i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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