I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
