getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
