Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
