Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
