you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
