apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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