3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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