i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
