Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
