FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The adults are the big ones right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
