Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
A+ Viking dick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
