and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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