Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
