I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
