im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
