The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
