That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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