Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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