I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
