OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
