I need to stop coming to work sober
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
