I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
