I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
