He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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