And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
