i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
