I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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