dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
