I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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