i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
