i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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