I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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