The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
