I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
