she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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