she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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