You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
