There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
