He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
