did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
