i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
